Close Dose

As teachers we always insist that our students speak in English while at school.

This incident took place a few years ago. During that time, a few political parties had called for a 'Bharat Bandh'. I was telling my students that our school would be functioning as usual the next day. A child immediately stood up and asked, "But teacher, tomorrow is..Bharat...(groping for a suitable word)... Tomorrow India is closed, no?"

Why Men Are Just Happier People?

A forward from my Inbox..

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal. (Ewwwwwwwwwww!)
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood -- all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.!
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You have to shave only your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

No wonder men are happier!

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Currently Humming- Hooked on a feeling (from Ally McBeal) - Vonda Shepard

My Favourite Books

Here's my all- time favourite reading ..

1. As the Crow Flies- Jeffrey Archer
2. Eleven Minutes - Paul Coelho
3. Messages from the Masters - Dr. Brian Weiss
4. The Harry Potter Series- J.K Rowling
5. The Da Vinci Code- Dan Brown
6. A Little Princess - Frances Hodgson Burnett
7. Deja Dead- Kathy Reichs
8. Pride and Prejudice- Jane Austen
9. Who Moved my Cheese?-Spencer Johnson,Kenneth H. Blanchard
10. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
11. Master Of The Game- Sidney Sheldon
12. Kane & Abel - Jeffrey Archer
13. Hotel - Arthur Hailey
14. The Faraway Tree- Enid Blyton
15. Dibs in Search of Self- Virginia M. Axline
16. Rising Sun - Michael Crichton.

I'd decided to list top 10 of my favourites, but I just couldn't stop at 10. I could go on and on, but this is all for now. Of course, I'd like to see your list. Do share them with me...

Welcome a new blogger!

Just wanted to throw out a welcome to Somu my friend.
Somu has been blogging in Sify. I'm happy to see he has started a blog in blogger.
Why not take a minute to drop him a line?

Best-Laid Plans ...the Concluding part

…and started reading out the list of all the goodies that she loved so much, to the salesperson of the local departmental store. Within minutes she was making her favourite brand of 2-Minute noodles while nibbling away at her favourite brand of Chocolates. She hummed her favourite song and did a li’l jig as she stocked her refrigerator with varieties of cheese, chocolates, cans of condensed milk…
The next morning she woke up to the sound of the doorbell. It was the maid. She hurriedly washed the dishes of last night and picked up the clothes that were strewn all over the room. She went on blabbering to an uninterested Maya as she went on doing her chores. Then she mentioned her plans to go for her annual visit to her village, and promised that her friend Praveena would come in instead of her.
It was 10.a.m already. Maybe she could have a quick brunch. Time for some yummy upma. Harsh always preferred chapattis or parathas, and by the time she finished making his favourite breakfast, she was too tired to cater to her own tastes. She rummaged around in her refrigerator looking for ‘rawa/suji’ and met with no success. After a while, she gave up and settled for a packet of potato wafers along with a yummy cheese dip.
The very thought that she was realizing her dream of spending time alone got her into a euphoric mood. She plonked onto her chair in front of her computer. Pangs of guilt hit her as she gorged on those greasy crispies. She was already fighting a losing battle with the bulge and..’Oh never mind! I’ll do what I want now and worry about it later. She entered a Chat room and typed away furiously at the keyboard. She had just made friends with an Armenian guy. She seemed excited as he started teaching her a few basic of Armenian. She munched away at her chips as she regaled him with facts about India. It was a while before she could even glance at the clock. It was late in the afternoon and she realized that she hadn’t even bathed or combed her hair yet. She shrugged her shoulders and smiled, “Who cares anyway?”
She looked longingly at the bed and stretched out for an afternoon siesta. Oh what luxury! She woke up 3 hours later to the shrill ringing of the telephone. It was her husband who had called to inform her that they had reached safely. He was still sour about the whole thing. ‘He’ll come around, sooner or later’, she said to herself and went back to her dreams. She could do what she wanted to without having anyone around to ‘tell her off’.
Dinner was hot cheese chilly toast and chocolate milkshake. Over dinner, she made a mental list of things that she always wanted to do but never had the time to.
1. Reading books.
2. Watching T.V
3. Surfing the net.
4. Go shopping with her best friend (wait a minute! There was no best friend anymore..not after the tiff they had last month) Never mind! I can always go by myself.
5. Get lots of sleep.
6. Get lotssssssssssssssssssssssssss of sleep.
7. Pamper yourself silly..
8. Write a post everyday.
9. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep…

She woke up late next morning and took a swig from the milk carton in the refrigerator. Darn! The new maid hadn’t turned up! She muttered a few oaths under her breath and then aloud as she remembered there was no one around to hear her. She decided not to bother with the dishes or the grubby clothes. If the maid didn’t show up tomorrow, she would do them herself or look around for another help. Sigh! So much for her vacation!
She was starved. Time for some yummylicious ‘kheer’. She added dollops of ghee to the pan, threw in some dry fruits and had her favourite dish ready in no time. This evening she planned to order for pizza…
There was so much work to be done- making new posts and now was the time to start those recipe and photoblogs which she had always dreamed of. She sat hunched over the computer..
And so it continued day after day..
Days culminated into weeks. but who was counting? She simply lost track of time…she was busy, busy having the time of her life!!! The dishes in the sink were increasing day by day, there was nothing in the laundry though…. Who cared anyway? It was just her in the house and she didn’t mind the mess. She had always preferred a lived in appearance to those spic and span houses (which was a good idea for her next post). She typed furiously on the Notepad and made her first draft. There was so much work to be done- making new posts and now was the time to start those recipe and photoblogs which she had always dreamed of. She had always secretly prided at being a good photographer. Her old photographs gave her enough material to last for a lifetime.

A month later…

Her husband called up to say that he had been sent on an assignment to Chennai for a month, so Shivam would stay back with his cousins and granny, and he would pick them up on his way home. She asked to speak to her son. Shivam came panting to the phone to say a quick, ‘Hello Mom’ before rushed out to play with his cousins. No one missed her, not even her own flesh and blood she thought ruefully. Two big tears rolled down her cheeks as she squeezed her eyes shut. She shrugged off her feelings and decided not to let a petty incident ruin her holiday. She decided to make the best out of the next month. She called up her workplace to extend her leave for another month. A few minutes and conversations later, she was free...for another month.
She had one more reason to be happy. Her site had just crossed 10000 hits!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! She hit the keyboard and was back to blogging with a vengeance.
A week went by and then two, three, four…and then, one morning….
She woke up to the sound of the doorbell. She gathered her still asleep self to the door and opened it!
Surprise surprise!! There stood her hubby and kid. (Had a month gone by already? She had certainly lost track of time!!)
She came back to the present and opened the door widely and held her arms wide open, waiting for her son to rush into them..she waited… when he hesitated, she pulled him close waiting for the first human touch she would have in two months. Nothing could have prepared her for what happened next! Shivam screamed out loud and clung to his father.
She didn’t understand. She looked up to see her hubby who was clearly looking repulsed…she was stunned! What was going on here? She bent down to take the bags from his hands, but he wasn’t letting her take them. He gave the house a appalled look and said,’ we’ll be back in two days. I hope you will clean up the house by then’. And was gone..
She still didn’t understand. Scratching her head away, she looked around the house. For the first time in two months she noticed the stench…the tiny million roaches crawling away on the floor..on the sofa..the kitchen..the sink..thousands of plates with decaying food on them..the cupboard…..it was then that she looked into the mirror. At first, she couldn’t recognize the huge shapeless gray figure, with a hairstyle that would put the scariest ghost to shame. She shuddered with repulsion..
She sat down with her hands on her head! Oh! What had she done..rather..not done.. she was in the very clothes that she had been wearing when they had left. Her skin had turned shades of gooey gray. Her hair …She hadn’t bathed or combed her hair..she didn’t remember brushing her teeth either… she started sobbing.. a roach peeped out of her sleeve to see what was happening. With a start, she brushed it away and rose to walk towards the bathroom. ‘It isn’t too late’. she consoled herself. She would first clean up the hall and make it presentable and then…
She switched on the geyser to get water ready for her bath...she even had to do something about her weight…and…she would get a few insect sprays ...and…2 loud knocks brought her out of her reverie. It was a sound alert from her computer to tell her that some friend had just come online.. ‘Let me just peep to see who it is. I have just enough time to say a quick ‘hello’ before my bath water is ready’. She took her position in front of the computer and sent the friend her favourite smiley.. and then…got up from her place to turn off the tap before the water could flood her bathroom..
‘I still have two days before they come back….’, was the last thought she had before she went back to her chair in front of the computer…
The End

Best-Laid Plans...

She heaved a sigh of relief as she got off the elevator. She dipped her hands in her handbag and fumbled for the keys. Her purse was always in a mess and as she found the right key and opened the door, she once again resolved to get her purse organized. When was the last time she had cleaned up her purse? or cupboard? or ...? Oh! Never mind! She thought to herself as she dumped her heavy bag and purse on the bed as she switched on her PC. She looked at the clock. It was only 6.05 p.m. she still had 25 minutes before she could pick up her son from the bus stop.

She smiled to herself when the connection to the Internet fell through. She clicked on her favourite browser and typed in her URL, “My own URL” she said proudly to herself. It took forever for the page to load. Ah there it was! Her very own blog! Her world! She checked and responded to all the comments posted on her blog.

Ding-Dong! The doorbell rudely shocked her out of her reverie. She looked at the clock. It was 6.40 p.m. Darn!!!!!!!!!!! She had forgotten to pick up Shivam her son, yet again. The 2^nd time this month! She hurriedly opened the door and smiled sheepishly at Mrs. Gupta, who had obliged her once again by bringing her kid back home. Mrs. Gupta responded with the slightest of nods and walked off in a huff before she could thank her. Hmmmph! What does she think of herself? The dumb woman! I bet she hasn’t even seen a computer in all of her stupid life. Oh well! That was a bit of an exaggeration. She had all her sympathy for Mrs. Gupta and her likes that devoted all of their waking time in their kitchen and pleasing their husbands and in-laws. She now turned her attention to her 9 year old who was showing signs of bursting into tears. Brat! Drat! Now she would have to pacify the kid before his granny came home. She and her son! Together they had spoilt the kid rotten. She tried to pacify him and when nothing worked she threw in her trump card. She promised to take him to the new McDonald’s that had sprung up in the local Mall. Sigh! There goes her plan to write a new post in the weekend. The thought of The weekend brought back to her memory the spat that she had with her husband this morning.

He had wanted them to visit his old granny and she wanted to rest. “Weekend is the only time that I get to myself! Surely you are not gonna take ‘that’ away from me!” “All you need to do is to stay away from that darned computer of yours, and then you will be left with all the time in the world.” He quipped back.

“Oh get off my case! Stop bringing a machine into all our squabbles, will you? If you had the time to talk to me, I wouldn’t be looking for solace in cyberspace.” “I’m tired of hearing the same things again and again,” he snapped back. That was last week. This morning they had had yet another spat.

Weekends and Shivam’s impending summer break were fast becoming a bone of contention between the two of them. Harsh’s favourite cousin was getting married in April in Bhatkal, and he insisted that they attend the marriage. It had been such a long time since they had taken a long vacation. He had already got his leave sanctioned and had their tickets booked. They were going away for a month. Wait a minute! For a month? That too in a place where computers or the internet were unheard of? Or at least uncommon? She couldn’t stay away from her computer for that long.. and that too for a stupid wedding? How she hated attending those oh-so boring weddings. The wedding hall would be divided into two sections arranged with those plastic chairs. Even in this day and age one section would be occupied by women and the other by the men folk. All the women could talk and discuss about was their latest acquisitions in jewelry, sarees and kids! In a place like this she would always stand out like a sore thumb. AAAAAAAAArgh!! No way she was going to let hubby talk her into it. This was not her idea of an ideal vacation. She had other plans. She smiled conspiringly at herself.

She had begged off by lying about not getting any leave from work. He could see through the lie. That was followed by yet another heated exchange of words. After she had exhausted all her tears, she started looking at the bright side of things. Now she could take that much needed break from work as well as family. She drifted off into a pleasant flow of thoughts and started making plans. Yawn…

The next morning she called in sick and helped in packing away their stuff neatly in their archaic suitcases. Atlast, the trio left and she plunked herself onto the sofa. She would miss her son a lot but at the same time she needed a break, some time for herself. Besides she took comfort in the knowledge that her son would be well taken care of. She could only manage a bowl of instant noodles with a few veggies added in the name of nutrition. She had already applied for a month’s leave and it had been sanctioned.

She was feeling a school-girlish excitement that was growing by the hour. From tomorrow there would be no work, no nagging hubby, no cold wars with mom-in-law for a whole month!!! Fun uninterrupted!!! She reached out for her cell-phone and dialed the familiar number. She heard the deep voice of a male at the other end. She smiled …

[To be continued]